


All I See Is Myself When I Look at You

by nonna (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Galra Keith (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:03:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9262268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/nonna
Summary: Lance got captured by the Galra. The team may have saved him, but a certain nightmare still haunts him, affecting his relationship wth Keith. Keith just wants to help.Inspired by Troye Sivan's "Blue".





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick fic inspired by lancemcclains [post](http://pepperonys.co.vu/post/155608226049/lancemcclains-guysthis-is-such-a-good-klance) on tumblr. It was written in one hour so please excuse the fact that there is not much build-up or background.
> 
> But if you are interested, the background is basically that Lance got captured by the Galra (inspired by the s2 trailer) and Keith is also Galra in this fic, so Lance has conflicting emotions.

Keith’s eyes settled on Lance, watching as the other paladin stared blankly down at his hands.Lance would drift off often nowadays, captured in whatever flashbacks clouded his mind. It happened _too_ often, if you asked Keith, and it was beginning to worry him. 

He sighed, shaking his head and turning his gaze away. Whenever he or Hunk voiced his concerns to the others, they would reassure them that _Lance would be fine_ and he _just needed more time to improve_. Which Keith understood, and believed, until he began to notice that Lance was simply not improving. If anything, he seemed to be getting more… void. His blue eyes, once full of wonder, were now struggling to light up beneath his droopy lids. When he laughed, his lips would move, but his eyes would remain blank. It was unsettling. 

Coran had told him that Lance was “clearly improving” and upon being asked to elaborate, he had explained that Lance was smiling more often, joining them for more meals, slowly getting back into training, cracking more jokes…But Keith argued that something was still _off_ about him. How could no one else see it?

“Keith?” Keith looked up to the sound of Shiro’s prodding voice. “Are you alright?” Shiro asked. 

“I’m fine. What’s up?”

“We’re going down to the pool, if you want to join us?” 

“Oh.” Keith ran a hand through his hair. “Lance, do you want to––“ 

When he turned to look at Lance, he found that the seat the paladin had previously occupied was now vacant. Keith sat up straighter, alarmed. When had Lance left?

“He went ahead of us,” Shiro explained.Then he smiled gently. “You really were out of it, weren’t you? What’s on your mind?”

Keith gulped, pushing himself to stand up and shrugging. “Nothing. I’m just worried about Lance, but I know, we have to give him time to improve, we have to––”

He tensed momentarily when Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder before relaxing. 

“Keith, we need to talk.” Shiro said. “I’m getting concerned about _you_. Lance is doing great. I’m just scared that you’re pent up on something and maybe talking about it would help.”

Keith’s hands curled into fists at his sides. “Maybe _you’re_ all missing the fact that Lance is not okay. He lost the sparkle in his eyes. He doesn’t talk anymore, he refuses to address his times in captivity or talk about––”

“Keith. Lance _has_ opened up about his times in captivity. He talked about his nightmares, he talked about his flashbacks… It did help him to talk. He’s gotten over most of the things he’s opened up to.”

Keith paused, blinking a few times before asking, “What do you mean? He never talks to me about it. Every time I ask him, he shies away and curls up. He… Is he just ignoring me?”

Shiro inhaled slowly, calculating a response. “I don’t think so. Maybe he just needs more––”

“More time?” Keith gritted. “He’s angry with me. I feel it. I just don’t know why. There’s got to be something he hasn’t told you guys yet. A nightmare he’s been having. Something someone said. Shiro, I _know_ there is something going on. Please.”

Shiro lowered his hand, but nodded.

 

* * *

 

“It’s been another week, Shiro! He hasn’t said a single word to me for the past _three_ days. All he says is ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘hey’. Something is going on.”

Shiro sighed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. “So talk to him.”

“I–“ Keith stopped. “I…”

_I can’t._

What would he say?

“If you think something is going on, you should talk to him about it. Maybe he needs that. And maybe he’s not the only one who needs to open up about his fears.”

Keith licked his lips, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lance was sitting down on the couch in the main lounge, chatting with Coran. Keith inhaled deeply and, after a small internal prep talk, took a seat next to Lance. He smiled, putting an arm around the other boy’s shoulders, and pulled him in a little closer. “Hey. Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Lance tensed immediately. Keith clenched his jaw, but forced himself to keep going. He did not want to make his… what would they label themselves as, now? They were once easily labelled as friends, lovers, teammates. But was he still Lance’s lover? 

He was hesitant to label himself as such.

“Actually, I was just… off to check on Allura.” Coran said. An obvious lie, perhaps, but one that Keith was thankful for nonetheless.

“Oh.” Lance said, raising his eyebrows. “So you’ll catch me up on the protocols… later?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.” Coran assured him, before rising and excusing himself out of the lounge. 

“Huh.” Lance muttered. “That was sudden.”

“I guess he forgot about his meeting with Allura.” Keith said slowly.

They sat in silence for a while longer. Lance still could not relax.

“Lance, what’s going on?” Keith asked then, backing away from the blue paladin.

Lance sat up straighter, surprised at Keith’s outburst. “What do you mean?”

“Something is off with you. You were always so high, so lively, and now you’re only low. I’ve been trying to get us back on track, to get you to talk to me again and you’re just––you’re just like a red light, refusing to let me pass through.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t. You flinch every time I touch you. You don’t have… you don’t love me anymore. I can feel it. It’s killing me, and I––I want to know what’s going on. I want you, Lance. I love you, and I just want us… I want _us_ , together, again.”

Lance’s eyes widened, and he began fidgeting with hands. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m not… I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.” Keith clarified, forcing himself to calm down. He did not want to be overbearing. “I just feel like there’s something you’re not telling us. Not telling me.”

Lance dropped his gaze.

“Is it something I did? Is it because I found out I’m Galra?” Keith whispered, unable to control the breaking of his voice. “Does it scare you?”

Lance winced. “Keith…”

“Just be honest with me. Please. I’ll do anything I have to make you stay with me, to make you love me again. I mean… All I see is _myself_ when I look at you. Myself turning Galra, ripping apart those drones to get to you… I see it. You’re scared of me.”

“I know you’re not like that.” Lance whispered. “I know that. I don’t want it to get between us.”

“But it does.” Keith said, sighing. “I’m sorry. I swore I would never lose control, but I did. I couldn’t control it. Seeing them hurt you like that… I lost control. I wish you never had to see me like that.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m not scared of you, Keith. I promise you that.” Lance said sincerely. “It’s not _you_ , it’s… It’s the Galra. I was in there for a long time. The Galra hurt me.” His voice dropped to a low whisper. “They hurt me bad, Keith. And I can’t get them out of my head.”

Keith pulled him into a hug.

Lance relaxed in his grip. 

“I know you’re seeing black and white. That I must be scared of you because the Galra hurt me. But that’s not true.” Lance explained, burrowing his face into Keith’s neck. “My brain is messy, always has been. I’m not scared of you, but sometimes the image of you as a Galra pops up and I…” He exhaled slowly. “And I go into a flashback, and suddenly I’m not seeing you anymore.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Lance insisted. “I might not be as… comfortable around you. It’s hard to talk sometimes. I was never able to open up like this,” he admitted. “But without you, there’s just… nothing. I need you here, even if I suck at showing it. I don’t know how to explain it, but when you’re around, when I open my eyes and see you there, it’s like I’m back underneath the rain.”

Keith’s eyes widened in surprise.

“I want us to be back, too.” Lance said, pushing himself back up into sitting position. “But I… I’m trying. I just can’t jump right back into it. I want to be happier and brighter and… and _myself_. But it’s hard. When I was in there, Keith, I dreamed of my family all the time. I dreamed of my home back on Earth, I dreamed of my mom pulling me into a hug and telling me it would all be fine.” He could not control the tears welling up in his eyes. “But she never came. And it wasn’t fine.”

“You’re back now, Lance. With us.”

“I know, and I couldn’t be happier to be back here.” Lance said. “But I’m back and I have to fight. Zircon is still alive. They’re still coming after us. I’m tired, Keith. I’m so tired. I can’t fight. I want to go home.” 

Keith placed a hand on Lance’s cheek. He was at a loss for words.

“What if they get me again? What if we never defeat Zarkon? What if I fall back into a panic attack and I attack you? What if I lose it and they control me again?” 

“Lance––that will never happen. I _promise_. They will _never_ get you again.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know that I would rather die before I let it happen again.”

Lance let out a soft breath. “I don’t want you to die. I want us to be safe. To return home together.”

Keith smiled gently. “We will.” He promised.


End file.
